What’s My Purpose

By | January 17, 2013

I lost someone that I needed needed at a point in my life when I just wasn’t ready. I was only 20 when my mother passed away after a long struggle with a vicious disease that took her from us one piece at a time.

At my middle years I realize many of my friends and those I know begin to be faced with loss of parents and friends. My father is in his 70′s, but I am lucky because his father who is quickly approaching his 99th birthday is still sharp, and his mother lived into her 90′s.

We all sometimes take our parents for granted, no matter that they are all human. They have the same faults and troubles as everyone else, and are not perfect, yet at times can be our only hero.

Before I get too off topic let me get back on track. As I begin to struggle with this “crisis” of self, I often begin to wonder what my mother would have as advice or assurance to how I would feel of late.

I love my father but his and my ability to communicate has always been a bit like two ships that pass closely but don’t quite connect. His advice may in fact be great, but it just doesn’t always seem to click. With my mom it was easy, no matter what she told me it made sense.

It just clicked.

It just took me a few years to admit it, as I was very hurt and angry after she died. I questioned everything. Fairness, faith, hope, and my purpose.

I feel that way again.

I love my family but the big things feel bigger, and the little things are feeling like big things. I feel like I’ve lost purpose. Now I just need to know, what’s my purpose?